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Right.

I have been meaning to write a new post for ages. I keep thinking of things I want to ramble about, then forget them.

So I'm not sure how long this will be.

I'm home alone at the moment.

I hate it. The house sounds like a murderer. I know I've said this before but it's true! Also, I am terrible at fending for myself. It's fine if I'm fending for somebody else, just not myself.

Take now for instance. I'm really thirsty, but there's nothing apart from tap water and alcohol in the house. So, naturally, I'm drinking beer. Which I don't like. But I like slightly more than luke warm tap water. I am my own little universe, with my own form of logic.

Waking the dead is on. But I am too scared to watch it by myself. Yes. I am that sad. But there's organ harvesting and shit. I don't like that idea. So Newsnight it is.

I am pretending to be proactive, and have organised all my documents into their proper folders on my laptop. I've also been forward-thinking and created folders for next year's subjects. If only I would read something useful for next year..

I have also been registering for some jobs. But I can't decide if I want to apply for some things.

I think, what I have to do, is ask myself what I want to do, and what will make me happy. And when I tell myself that I don't know, I'll just have to interrogate myself. Good Cop, Bad Cop. I will be amazed if I don't develop multiple personality disorder by the end of the year. Because I have a suspicion that I'm just scared shitless of not being 'successful'. And everybody else leaving me for bigger and better things.. Damn abandonment issues. Ho hums. Also, I wish it was possible to just be given a job. Without any of this assessment and interview stuff. I don't assess or interview well. Like, c'mon! just give me money to exist! I'm sure I enrich someone's life... somehow... maybe... a little...?

It's windy outside.. and daaark. I should probably put the hounds to bed and follow suit.

I will try to remember what it is I want to write, and then write it.

~over and out