In A Cave

I do not Like international law. 

It is horrendously confusing. My simple little brain can't even begin to operate on the same imaginary plane. 

I am 300 words into my essay. My first essay. Out of four. All due before Tuesday. 

Yes, I got myself into this mess. 

Yes, I will be the one to drag myself out of it, one dislocated limb at a time. 

I would much rather tell tales. 

Fanciful tales.

Tall tales.

Fee tales.

My tales would be the equivalent of dark, lofty, intriguing individuals. Except that they wouldn't be all that intriguing, because I can't write for dust. 

I want to sit down so badly and scrawl away to my heart's content.. To scribble all my ideas away.. Time. Pissing time. 

Arg. I should be out dressed up like some form of zombie kid. One day, one frikkin' day, I will have work ethic. I will do work ahead of time, instead of starting a few hours before the deadline. 

I got a cake in the post today ^_^

It looks yum. I can't wait to make it. I think it will go well with tea. Nice tea. Normal tea. We now have normal tea. It was a revertolution of tea types. 

Sigh. Should really think about this question. I don't like it. It's too messy. Makes my head hurt. 

>_<

Tokyo Police Club - In A Cave

The Ravonettes - Dead Sound

Blonde Redhead - 23

Stars - Window Bird

Synthetics

There should be something here later.

It will be about:

• resenting comments
• why I think insanely
• how this goes wrong
• how silly international law is
• stress
• just stuff

But right now, I have to go put smarter clothes on. 

Lost Out

Yawn. 

I am quite sleepy. I know it's only quarter past five.. but still. Lots of standing around and sitting still for long periods of time. Turns out graduating is quite a Latin affair. I've never heard Latin spoken so much and in such a conversational way.. Like normally, it's just a set phrase or grace.. But this time, although they were all basically saying the same thing, it was way more like they were just speaking normally.. except in Latin.. so not normally at all. Interesting. 

Also, I learnt that three colleges always graduate first. Which is silly if you ask me. Even sillier considering that the one that goes first is supposed to be 'anti-tradition'. But FWL and I realised that wasn't so about this time last year. Heh. 

Yeah, so, things have happened.. or been told to me.. that I probably shouldn't know.. and can't really talk about explicitly. Which is bum. Because.. like.. sigh. You know when everything around you is crumbling and falling away and you want to, like, hold something up, or provide some kind of support.. but don't really know how? I feel like that. And just when I thought everything was oh-kay, everything else sort of collapses. And it's all very depressing. And I feel all confused about it.. And I don't know what to do.. Sigh, sigh, siiiigh. 

This week, by the way, is going to be hell. Methinks. In fact, it will extend to a fortnight, thinking about it. I should really start the reading.. but I never will. No. Work. Ethic. What. So. Ever. 

Hum. I've just spent half an hour randomly clicking around the internet. That's bad. 

Arg. I want to talk about things.. but.. but.. sigh. 

Santogold vs. Missy Elliot - Lose Out

Tempera[mental] - Like Eating Glass

Frightened Rabbit - Square Nine

Bloc Party - Letter To My Son

Frightened Rabbit - Floating In The Forth

Bloc Party - Your Visits Are Getting Shorter

Kaki King - Gloves Off

^_^

Brother graduates today.. Wheeeeee!

I'm proud of him..

And he has a really nice red hood.. 

I Will Play My Game Beneath The Spin Light

Yo.

Supervision 3 went AH-MAZE-ZING-LEE well.

Which was a complete shocker. 

As FWL and I had only started our reading 30 mins before.. which you just DON'T do.. 

And then, in a supervision which was supposed to have 4 people, there was JUST me and FWL. And we don't know all that much.

But it went fine. I was too person-in-pub-like as usual, likened land rights to pokemon. Watch out for that video.. 

So today, I felt like I deserved to do nothing. Slept in til 8.30.. Skipped a lecture so only spent 11-5 in the fac. I swear they have phone signal blockers in there. It really pisses me off. It means my phone doesn't work until I send a text to someone else, and then I get about 15. And everyone thinks I've been ignoring them =( 

Hums.. I am so tired. So tired. I just want to freaking sleep. Sleeping would make everything better.. I'm sure of it. Pach agrees. Pach is the dinosaur. 

Additional hums. Just hums... I hope everything's alright. 

It'll sort itself.  And it'll be grand. 

I have things I want to talk about.. but I think I should leave it for another time. 

~laters

Brand New- I Will Play My Game Beneath The Spin Light

Kaki King - So Much For So Little

Shout Out Louds - You Are Dreaming

The Cure - Just Like Heaven

*

THIS IS MY CONCERNED BLOG FACE. 

My Backwards Walk

So.

Had supervision. Scraped through. Purely by the fact that I didn't stop spluttering. Think supervisor felt bad... and I couldn't have answered any questions had he asked them anyway. 

Get hammered forget that you exist, there's no way I'm forgetting this...

I made myself a hot toddy. With lots of toddy. I then forced one upon my neighbour. Celtic way, ftw. I have also attempted to make a casserole. I feel I have possibly only succeeded in making Food Poisoning In A Pot. 

Walk away from the life you want and sing the chorus of the broken hearted..

Supervision 2 wise.. Well. It's in... 21 hours time? I've read a few reports so I think I should be ok. It's supervision 3 which is going to be the bugger. Still. Busy, busy, busy. 

Being busy helps. It helps me to forget what a jerk I was. Sigh. 

I don't know what it is about me that leads to such epic fails so consistently. Yes, I just used the term 'epic fails'. Let's move on. 

I'm just matter, and you're just matter.. and that's all that matters..anyway...

I love that song. It's been so accurately relevant. Impressive. Anyway. I think I have something hardwired in my DNA that means I can and will fuck up every opportunity.

I've crippled your heart a hundred times and still can't work out why.. You see I've got this disease I can't shake and I'm just rattling through life..

Good lord. iTunes is with it today. So yes. It seems that no matter how good my intentions, how big my effort, I still suck at life. Whoop de do. 

Did I tell you about the dinosaur I found in the street?

I found a dinosaur in the street. On the road in fact. He was going to get run over by a convoy of buses, a smattering of cars and probably three stampedes of cyclists. I empathised with him. I haven't given him a name yet. I suspect him of being a Pachycephalosaurus. 

Thick skulled, bashes head against things all the time. Skull probably has corners. He's my kinda dino. 

Other things I have brought home with me recently include sinus infections, conservative balloons and a bottle of port. 

And damnit I'm not reading for supervision 2. I have half an hour before I am supposed to be finished. 

Potentially be back later to continue with the shallow emo comments. Wouldn't want to go too deep and drown in my own self pity now, would I?

Frightened Rabbit - My Backwards Walk

Donora - The Chorus

Josh - Synthetics

FR - Modern Leper

Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence

Radiohead - 15 Step

Progress1

Supervision 1 is in 11 hours. 

Reading list done? 

Hell no. 

The Lighthouse Ghost

You know what ensures that time will pass without you thinking about it?

Rowing. And being Drunk. 

Those two things in tandem are very good at making sure that I get nothing done. however it's good in a way because they also prevent me from thinking about anything else too much. 

I went to the Tory port and cheese thing last night. I had intended not to get drunk. So naturally, I got Drunk. I don't really remember how I got home. Or how I got myself into bed. Or in fact, replying to a thread on facebook. However I did manage to remember that I agreed to do a double outing. So today I spent 4 and a half hours at the boathouse. Yesterday it was about 4 hours. So basically, apart from boating, I have got nothing done this weekend. 

I have a supervision tomorrow. 

Haven't started the reading.

I have a supervision on Tuesday.

Haven't started the reading.

I have a supervision on Wednesday.

Haven't started the reading. 

And yet, I'm writing this. And I am going to formal in two hours. Oh and I have to have an amnesty meeting at 9. 

Life sure is fun, huh? 

I should go. I will get emo later. 

Josh - The Lighthouse Ghost

T&S - Are You Ten Years Ago?

Amy - Yellow Light

Deathcab - Tiny Vessels

Frightened Rabbit - Poke [acoustic]

T&S - I Know I Know I Know

Where Does The Good Go?

I.. oh god. I don't want to do this again. I really really badly do not want to do this again. 

And yet, I've gone and pissing done it. 

And I want to throw up. 

I just wanted to keep everyone happy. I didn't want to get everything wrong again. And I have. And I can't seem to stop doing it, no matter how much I want to. 

I just don't think. 

Except that I do think. I try to think. I think about as many variables as possible so as not to get things wrong.. and not to hurt people.. and I do it so much that I miss the OBVIOUS. 

And I just continually fuck up. 

And I really love her. 

Tegan and Sara - Where does the good go?

Josh - Synthetics

Dntel - Dumb Luck

The Cure - Love Song

I am a complete and utter twat.
=(

Like Eating Glass

My throat hurts.. As does my head. Oh well. 

Anyways. I am in le fac. I should be in a lecture right now but I decided to skip, because I have the concentration of a gnat. 

So many interesting things have happened... and yet.. don't know what to talk about. 

I still have a shitload to read. I have a family law supervision at 3. That's less than 3 hours away. I should really do some reading.. but I'll only be distracted by gender dysphoria and go off on one about the boy in chat who tried to cut off his penis with some nail clippers.. =( 

Hmm... Of the people sitting in this faculty right now, I'd say about 70% don't do law. Grumph. 

So the other night, we went to a conservative event... because there was free g&t. The g&t ran out. But by this stage we had all become so good at masquerading around, being outlandishly conservative, that we enjoyed it. I was WASTED. Like. Beyond my normal limits. Usually I remember what I did.. this time.. nope. I feel quite bad for having to be looked after.. =/ 

Not big, not clever. 

But anyway, we made such statements as 'Good Lord!' and 'I'm fairly involved to a minimal extent, if you follow me' and it was all believed. Fantastic. Got lots of things as well. 

The rowing stuff is... blegh... 4 boats. FOUR. Ok, so there are four of us, but still. And so much time goes into it. Aand.. I'm also shite. 

Law is.. expansive. There is so much of the stuff. It doesn't help that I do nothing but meh.

I've been feeling quite weird recently... like.. I dunno. I never know what to do or how to act or behave and yeah. I don't have a clue how to behave when I'm around you... 

I liike that song. I like a lot of songs. 

Bah. I'm sick of feeling like this though. 

And I hate that I have to apply for things. 

Gr. Damnit. I had interesting things to say. honest! I did. And they didn't appear. 

Later though, I will have the time to blog proper. Post 5pm. Yes. 

~score.

Statement

I am going to blog proper tomorrow. And it will be awesome. For me. Not you. 

44. Caliber Love Letter

A'reeet?

Gads. Lots has happened. At least I think it has. I have made a twat out of myself in front of many people, as always. 

I messed up majorly on um.. hmm.. tuesday night?

Anyways. I have met all my supervisors for this year. They got progressively weirder as I met them. I did the typical thing of not realising that one of them was my supervisor and not a student. Not good. 

*munch* mm chocolate covered coffee beans... So strange, yet so good. 

I went out last night... again.. It was good but crap.. Like, the club night itself was shit. But I had a good time despite that. Although, I still dance horrendously. And I shouldn't be allowed to talk to strangers. Or be put in charge of drunk husbands. Both of them. At the same time. And.. and.. yeah. I never did do my analysis of awkwardness to the level of detail that I intended, did I? I think I should sometime. 'Cos it's fascinating. And at times, a total fallacy. But then I have a lot of things I want to dissect. And really, I have a shit load of work to be doing. And I no longer really know what to think. Apart from that I shouldn't think so much. 

I should be doing my first essay by now. It's quite an interesting question. But I want to ask around a bit more before deciding on what direction to go in. As well as doing some of the actual proper reading. 'Cos y'know, that might help. 

Bought books today. It was depressing and very bank-breaking. But not back-breaking, thanks to the college drop off service. 

Arg. I still feel bad for being a prick the other day. I have to make it up. Today in fact. Now that it is morning. 

Ack. Fuck it I'm tired and I have shit to read. 

Alexisonfire -  44. Caliber Love Letter

The Organ - Steven Smith

Tegan And Sara- Relief Next To Me

The Cure -  Just One Kiss

Brand New - The Archers' Bows Are Broken

Cursive - The Lament Of Pretty Baby

The New Pornographers - Three Or Four

The Postal Service - This Place Is A Prison

Deathcab - Tiny Vessels

Okkervil River - For Real

=\

I am a horrible despicable attempt at a human being. 

Rainday

Well.

I am having a bad jesusday so far. 

I have been needlessly soaked by a bus. Those bastards do it on purpose I'm sure. I will elaborate on this later [as this is just an update]. I have burnt both fingers and mouth on stupid too hot coffee. I have realised I have a lot more responsibility that I thought I had, which is going to be a problem. As are all of the clashes that I have accumulated thus far. 

And now I have to go organise.

Bah.

Kids! I need to go get alcohol. I hope they drink. 

What will I do if they don't drink? 

Crivvens.

!

FRESHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They're so amazingly cool. 

Aces.

So drunk. So fucking drunk. 

Hum....

I dislike people sometimes.

Especially, it seems, in bars. 

Bastards. 

In other news, other people have spent more time in MY bed than I have.

..Score? 

I no longer know. 

Cottage Continued

Right.

So.

I am in my cottage. 

It is a scruffy little cottage, with many things that aren't perfect and probably break a multitude of regulations. 

It is just like me ^_^

My room is twice the size as last year.. And I have managed to fit all of my stuff in. I have a lot of stuff you see.

I have verified that there is a proper oven. I want to get some food in and cook for folk. But that should wait I guess. 

The bathroom situation is going to be.... challenging. I'm sure I will go into ranty detail about it at various points in the future. Also, I really hope that nobody is living above me.. Cos you can hear everything in this house.. every noise reverberates through it. Guess I'll become numb to it though. I still find having the space weird. 

The 'garden' is nice. I know it's not actually our garden but I think that we will rule over it anyway. Us and the squirrels. Yeah. Films will be made.. 

I don't think anyone will ever come and visit. SADFACE. 

That is the major downside. 

Oh, and in the toilet there's:

TOILET TENNIS

Play toilet tennis!

Look Left

And then on the other wall:

Look Right

Hee. I like biro scribblings. 

Hums. What else is there to talk about? I got my freshers t-shirt. Tis purple. Oh and I definitely can't go and be trained now. No knowing how to teach people to row for me. Stupid meetings. I hope they're not important.. The training days that is.  I hope the meetings are important. 

Zoh my god. The clock. The new time-eating clock. It's amaaaaaaaazing. And awesome and really cool. I may even have to move my wall spot so that I can just sit and watch it for a while. I did my thing of forgetting how big the chapel is again. And then going 'JESUS!' 

I'm so cool. 

Not. 

Meep. My tea has gone cold =( 

Anyways, basically, I think it's going to be a nice set up. Although it probably could have been better. I'll force visiting somehow. *schemes*

Laters..

Cottage

I am in the cottage.

I will tell you all about the cottage in a little bit. 

And maybe some other things.