I Can Talk

Bleeeeegh.

My productivity has gone to zilch. It was all going so well.. and then I felt ill and fell victim to sleep. Bummer.

Anyways.

I can't believe a year has almost gone. And I'm almost 'Grown Up'. Scary biscuits.

Everything is different to how I had assumed it would be. But then I think that's because when you think about the future, you tend to just extrapolate the current situation, and assume things will keep going.

Next year. Most people are talking about 'next year' in terms of what furnishings they're going to put in the flat they've already bought. And for a while, I knew where I would be at least, which was something. But then I actually managed to succeed in getting into the legal institute back home. Which throws a spanner in the works.

I never thought I would get in. I can't remember if I ranted about the entrance test, but in short, it was a pissy multiple choice test that took an entire day and was horrific. As in, I did one section, and then decided 'fuck it, I'm just going to be a man in a pub because this is impossible'. The second factor which made my not getting in theory concrete is the sheer competition. To get on to the barristers' course you have to come top 30. I heard via the grapevine that 800 people took the test.

So having taken the test, I pretty much forgot about it and ruled out Belfast as a next year option.

But then I got in.

And I should be really happy and pleased. And in a way, I am.. At least, I would be if I allowed myself to stop and think about it and celebrate. But no, I immediately jump to the 'I have no idea what I'm doing next year' position. Which suxxxxx.

So now, I've spent £865 on alternatives I might never take. Hmm.

Belfast or London.. much more of a dilemma than I thought it would be. Oddly, I feel quite sad when people are happy for me, because they don't seem sad that I won't be with them next year. God. How selfish can I be?! Bleh.

I'd like everything to be like I thought it would be. Then everything would be nice :)