I wish they had.
I have so many nice things to update about. FWL returned, with europeans, and it was amazing. [TBC]
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But typically, I am just being a craphat and concentrating on the things that upset me.
Right. I would very much like to know why people feel disposed to lie to me.
As in, ok, the first time was just like, well, it has to happen really, there was no precedent. Then secondly, I suppose I didn't talk about the first time enough, so yeah.. maybe that's just about passable. But the third? I mean, srsly?
I just.. don't get it. As in, when I let someone get that horrifically close to me, to the point where they know all my hangups because I finally feel comfortable enough to talk about them [probably too much.. ok, my bad] and they promise that history won't be repeated.. to then repeat it to the dotted i and crossed t, is just.. a slap in the face with a bulldozer.
I would honestly much rather that you stamp all over my ribs and stab me with my own broken bones than lie to me. Please. Actually, please.
Yeah, I know. Get over it. I should have been months ago. And I was. But it's just like lying is that stupidly unexpectedly crucial jenga block.
Urgh.
And the thing is, because I just feel like nothing when I remember/realise the lies, it's extremely hard to be normal and nice, which I do want to be, because 95% of me is happy, fine with it [pleased almost] and desperately doesn't want to go backwards/lose 33% of my 'friends' by being a dickface. Which is always what I do. Because all I can focus on is the fact that I've been lied to. Again.
It's like I'm a spazzy emo dictatorship.
Meh.
And I can't talk about it. Because there's no one here. And even if there were.. I just sound like a crazy bint.
I want FWL back. She always put up with my shit.
I should go to sleep.
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