Hush, Hush

Heartbeats, in sync with the clock, in time with my steps, buried in my chest.. disguised by a layer of flesh that's fading away from the constant gaze of your intruding ways.. I'll try to hide..

I'm really diggin' this album.

Anyway. Been a while, dudes.

Right now I should be revising charitable trusts. But I am lacking focus, having spent the morning trying to get my head around characterisation as a process in the conflicts of laws. I don't think my head made it. So it's time for a tea break and some cheerios.

Do they have cheerios in america? Is that why the cheerleaders in glee are called cheerios? I hope so. I enjoy cereal puns.

Anyway. FWL had to stop by due to some volcano or other misc. natural 'disaster'. It was fintastik lyk. And now I want to figure out some way of recording over two countries. Because that's way more beneficial than actually revising.

My guitar is now fixed up. We performed surgery. Took the drill to it. It is now fully functioning and retro-ironic. Now I just need to keep it in tune. Which would be easy, if I had ears that could tell tune. Which I don't.

Hmm. I think I'm on my fifth cup of tea. I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Oh well.

I've been in an odd sort of mood recently. It combines elements of sheer panic about upcoming exams etc, lethargy about doing anything, and general lack of focus due to another thing taking up my mindspace. I don't really know if I should talk about that thing here, mostly because I am aware how well I imitate a broken record, but then, at the same time, trying to write some coherent thing down might help? I don't know.

Basically, history repeating hurts. I didn't think it would hurt this much, and perhaps I'm jumping the gun, but it's in my nature to assume the worst regardless. There's just something about being lied to by this particular person that hits me like a wrecking ball. If I had to choose one person in the whole world who would know not to lie, it would have been FM. It is very clear that I can't handle lying. So to then hear things which mean that FM lied, and continues to.. it just.. destroys me. I don't care about what the lying is covering, really, I don't. I'm happy for FM, and I know that 2.0 is better than me in every measurable quality. I just feel physically sick, and stupid for being fooled, once again. Most of my time here has now been invalidated; it wasn't what I thought it was. I hate myself for falling for it. I don't really know what to say to FM either. There's nothing I can say. I have no point to make, no leg to stand on. I just have to continue feeling like nothing, and uncontrollably being a jerk at every opportunity. Sigh.

Anyway, it's been hours, and I'm hungry.