Diego Digsby Digglesworth The First

This:

is Diego.

He is one of my hounds, and he is annoying.

Diego is half springer spaniel, half collie (Mummy was a good little springer, Daddy was a rogue sheepdog..). This mix has resulted in a lot of bounce and a lot of brains.

Diego is about 5. When he was about 3 he had a revelation; he had learnt to open doors. This was quite interesting because he initially opened it with his mouth. He then moved on to opening it with his (huge) paws. Diego has not looked back (or through a closed door) ever since.

One of Diego's favourite things in the world to annoy you with, ever, is his tennis ball. I say his tennis ball as if there is only One True Tennis Ball. There isn't. At the moment, he has a purple tennis ball and an orange tennis ball on the go. The purple is the younger of the two.

When Diego first gets a tennis ball, he stares at it with intense love and devotion. Then he tests it with his paw. Rolls it about a bit. He checks it from all angles by twisting himself into ridiculous poses on the floor while staring at the tennis ball. Then, he chews it. He chews it until the furry skin of the tennis ball is foamy with his drool. At that point, the tennis ball is perfect for playing with. Diego drops the drool cushioned tennis ball on your lap. I'm not quite sure what the composition of dog drool is but it has one of the fastest soaking through speeds I've ever felt.

You are then faced with 3 options:

1) Throw the ball.

2) Calmly remove the ball and set it on the floor.

3) Do nothing.

Option 1 makes Diego mega-happy because you are a Person of Intelligence. He then brings the ball back and places it on your lap again. You have to repeat this process ~20 times before Diego will remove his ball to re-chew it for 5 minutes.

Option 2 makes Diego mildly puzzled; he can see that you have Potential but that you don't yet have an intellect worthy of his attention. Diego picks the ball up and patiently places it back on your lap. He will do this ~5 times before he gets bored and decides that there is No Hope for you and goes away to give you 30 minutes to gather your wits before he tests you again.

Option 3 makes Diego confused. He wonders if you have managed to overlook the presence of his tennis ball. He makes small woofly noises and looks between you and the ball. He wags his tail encouragingly. You Can Do It. His face is filled with hope everytime you move a muscle. When you persist in doing nothing he starts doing a little dance. He woofles, and walks forward, pointing at the ball with his nose, then shuffles back shifting from paw to paw, making conversation, convincing you to throw the ball. He will do this for a good 20 minutes.

If you happen to be outside, Diego will use his brains to find a way to ensure that you throw his ball.

If you are sunbathing: Diego will place his slobbery tennis ball on your stomach.

If you are watering the plants: Diego will put his tennis ball in the next plant pot to be watered (not one that has already been watered)

If you are mowing the lawn: Diego will put his ball in front of the lawn mower in the un-mown grass.

If you are digging: Diego will drop his ball into the hole.

In short: Diego will find a way to make you play.