....

Ok. So.

It turns out I am a mess. A literal mess.

Stupidly, I thought I was ok.. But no. Of course I'm not.

I hate myself. I hate myself for being so fucking stupid. And selfish. And just a loser in general.

I mean, my god woman, GET OVER IT.

It's like there's rational me, and irrational me, constantly fighting for attention. And it makes me a twat. Rational me knew that this would happen. But for some stupid reason, I thought it would take longer. But no, c'mon, wise up. Of course it's going to happen straight away.

And why shouldn't it? Rational me says I should be happy. Y'know. For FM. Irrational me says I shouldn't have to have it shoved in my face, and that FM should be nice to me. Why does irrational me have to be quite so irrational?

Rational me agrees with friend, who says, well, why shouldn't FM do that? it's kind of within FM's rights.. Friend continues that maybe I should also go and pull. Friend doesn't seem to realise that I am NOT attractive, and won't ever get looked at twice. Ever.

And additionally, just for once. For ONCE, I would just like to be the one who recovers first.

You know. So when someone says.. I'm sorry I'm just a bit fucked up atm.. they stay fucked up, for a longer amount of time than I do. But of course that will never happen. Because I AM A RETARD.

I just wish I was emotionally mature enough to deal with this.

I repeat. I WANT TO GO HOME.