I went to A&E yesterday/today.
It was fun. I should get symptoms of serious diseases more often.
I should explain the backstory.. backstories are important..

So a few days ago the headline of the local newspaper changed to "COLLEGES IN GRIP OF KILLER BRAIN BUG".
I got excited thinking some insane parasitic worm was infecting people and sucking out all their intelligence. It turned out to be meningitis, which IS a killer brain bug, but not as I had imagined. So you know, I get changed into my comfy comfy pjs and notice a rash on my shoulder. Interesting. I poke it. It doesn't fade. Nice. So I text my friend saying "Yo, I might have the killer brain bug".. jokingly of course. She was at a toga party at the time.. which I wasn't at because I chose the van of death instead. Anyway, I decide to go to bed.. but then people get back and I was all "Hey, check this out" *shows off freaky rash thing*.. Everyone did the rolling a glass over thing and was like "holy crap, that's meningitis, wanna go to gardies?" [and I said VoD all the way, they're nice and some guys actually got to go IN the van yesterday.] until.. Someone went and knocked on a medic's door to ask for a diagnosis..
Inside the medic's room was another medic who was paranoid that she had meningitis.. so once she saw me it was off to A&E..
Which was, actually a lot of fun. For the hours of 12-2.30am.
But really, a Glaswegian, a Geordie and me.. sitting in A&E making inappropriate, un-PC jokes... comedy gold you can't make up.

So yeah.

In other news, I am a fucktard.
Like you know when something's bad.. so you try to do something? but then it makes it worse.. so you just keeeeep going. until it's a big mess. And you've made it so bad that you can't help but go in circles? Well yeah. That's basically what I've done. and it sucks. Because I don't really know how I did it, or how I'm going to fix it.. I have no other input except my own head, which you just know is going to be a disaster. And I don't like feeling guilty when I don't notice something and so don't cross the street accordingly to avoid putting a downer on someone's day/making indifferent or bad thoughts enter their head for a split second. And I want to get it sorted out before I have to pack up and leave. But it's not going to.. because I keep just making things worse. And I don't know what to do. And it's hard to try and sort out. I think I know a really easy way to do it, which is what I wanted to do the first place anyway, but trying to get someone to do something they don't want to do without being able to have a conversation with them is quite tricky when you're as big a twat as I am.

And everything is so circular.
I'm a twat -> I do twatty things -> people get annoyed -> I cock things up, act like a twat -> people don't want to talk to me because.......->i'm a twat!

And I don't know if admitting that I'm a twat helps things? or makes it worse? no effect at all?

See why having meningitis was fun?