My brain

is dead at the moment.

I think it's having a holiday from the constant thinking. Not that it's ever thinking of the right things.

I think I'm also having cravings. I have cravings quite a lot actually. Not the pregnant kind, because that would be weird. Just like.. sometimes I have a craving for vegetables and vitamins.. Then for bacon.. And now I'm craving normal people. It occurred to me yesterday that I could be becoming even more of a jackass. And I have no way of knowing because I don't have normal people to gauge the relative measure from. And I really don't want to become a major jackass. I'm happy being a dick. Like, am I still the same person? Will people who have known me for more than 5 weeks still like me? I really hope I haven't become some arrogant twatface. That would suck.
Like, I just want to go chill with some people.. and not care. Have no deadlines to think about, no lists to get through..
Basically I just want to exist. But with no real purpose. For a while. The constant staring at words is slowly draining me of all enthusiasm. This week's criminal reading list isn't so bad though, only 40 cases. ¬_¬ [Last one was 72, I just counted]
But yeah, I think I have whatever week this is blues. Except not really, because I'm not blue.. just deflated. Like I have no energy. Which, by the way, is really crap for rowing machines.
Term is going to end soon.. and I don't know how I feel about it. I'm looking forward to going home and stuff.. I just.. I don't know.. I feel like everything is drifting. Drifting somewhere I can't get to or grab hold of or have any way of controlling at all. Sometimes I like having no control and just going along with things.. But everything is just so whoosh! and you go along with it.. that I think I'd like to be able to have some effect on my environment...
Hmm..

I'm still not sure if I am supposed to be here.. like.. I do like it for the most part, but I just have moments where it is so crystal clear that I'm not the typical person that I begin to wonder why I'm here.. Like in one of my supervisions this week, we were talking about parliamentary sovereignty.. and I, eloquent as ever came out with, ' So if Gordon Brown was like "Right chaps, I'm the dude..."' And while it was funny.. afterwards it was just so clear that the point I was making wasn't taken seriously at all and everyone else was just cringing their way through.. and I don't like it..
because I'm not expressing things in some extremely convoluted way.. I feel woefully out of place.. bah.

Maybe I will just be a renegade. Like a Kingsperson, but not at Kings. Because that wouldn't be rebellious. Would it?
I no longer know.


I think I may be schizophrenic. Or bipolar. Or something. Or else I'm just having a sugar rush. You decide.

Hmm.. in summary I'm happy.. I just feel empty.. I think.

Um.. yes.. I'm going to stop here.. to save yourself. Because this doesn't make great reading.

Cat - I'm timing how long it takes you to successfully stalk me. I can reward you with the contents of my fridge- butter, cider, milk and southern comfort. It's like the assassins guild.. except with less polystyrene fridges.


~Over and out of my head like legal knowledge.