Fire Hazard

I am using my gas fire to dry some of my clothes, which are hanging on a piece of string above it. The string is attached to a curtain rail and a picture hook.

Thankfully my old fire warden armband is out of sight.

Yaawn.

I should really do some work..

But I'm really just counting down the hours til formal. And then going out.

Shall I make HC a cd? One hasn't been asked for.. but I'm that bored. And I really don't want to start the EU slog again. Could do Equity I suppose.

Updates:

- Taken on another role that I probably shouldn't have.

- Handed in quite possibly the worst essay ever.

- Had a major migraine

And That's It really.

Hour Plus

I'm so glad someone mentioned the time thing in an email, or else I would have been an hour ahead of myself tomorrow.

Sigh. Had a waste of a day work-wise. Excellent one sport wise. 7 solid hours of exercising fun.

I was crap at all activities concerned. Oh well.

I still have shitloads of reading to do for my supervision tomorrow. And once it's done, I have another shitload + essay for monday. Skipping lectures much?

I'm still not sure what's going on. I wish I did, because uncertainty makes me go crazy. And it distracts me so badly. And I really wish I knew what caused this whole thing. And.. erk. I'm not gonna think about it. I don't want to hurt, or anything.

Happy things! Um, let's see.. I watched some really cute videos of ducks on the bbc news site. I was surprised by the number of duck stories. But quite nicely surprised. Nothing beats a cute animal.

CSM: I can't believe how much media attention this got.. when there are so many children dying everywhere..

Me: Yeah, but dying children aren't as cute as ducks..

Hums. What else is positive that I can report..

My flowers are beginning to open..

T&S' new album is amazing, and I can finally get the cd on Tuesday.

I finally trust my gas fire enough to turn it on and allow some warmth into my room..

And my extra monitor is pretty damn sweet.

Fuck.

Better do some reading.

~over and out

.

Sigh.

I just don't understand where this has come from.

But then, I never have.

It's nothing new, really.

I just want to curl up and listen to T&S and not have to deal with the world.

And yes, I do realise how melodramatic that sounds.

Rain

Well. I walked home from a club, alone, for the first time in a while.

It was raining.

If I had broken down, it would have been quite poetic.

It was quite poetic anyway.

I did contemplate jumping into the river.. just because it looked so dark.. and would probably be a good release.. but then I thought about my phone. And how it would never survive. So I stopped myself.

I am not drunk. I wish I was.

The irony of having many people ask 'so how long's it been?' was not lost on me.

I just...

I dunno. Maybe I'm being paranoid. And insecure. But it feels exactly like it has before, and there's been no improvement. No sign of change. And it isn't healthy for me to be thinking these terrible things all day every day.

I just want to sleep.

So that's what I'll do.

Yaen

Well I met you at the blood bank...

I am so sleepy. But not for any good reason. I'm just sleepy because I didn't get up til 12. Which is ridiculous.

I have a supervision tomorrow, and I just DON'T want to do the work. I am just not into eu. [like that film.. geddit?] Uurgh. Like, I went to the pub from 2-5 despite knowing that I have shitloads to do. I didn't even know anyone at the pub.. Urgh.

Perhaps I want to sleep because sleep is nice and safe.. and not stressful.. until I wake up and realise the time... lawl.

Or, perhaps it's because I am giving myself carbon monoxide poisoning with my gas fire. But I do now have a co2 alarm, so hopefully that theory is void. Oh centrally heated cottage, how I miss thee.

Bleh. I really don't see the point of this blog.

Postcard

I have received three postcards recently and am listening to the song. So there's the title reasoning.

--

I am procrastinating from doing stinky EU law. It's like a more vast, more annoying version of consti. Not happy.

But I am listening to nice music.

My leg still aches. And I still have the annoying cough that flares up in every lecture/supervision.

-_-

But, positives!

Free meal + drinks tonight. [Note to self: do not get drunk in front of freshers/ supervisors.]

And, um.. it's friday? that could be a positive.

I've finally ordered another monitor. Whether I get it or not will be up to visa, who have to verify my shipping address... maybe not such a positive.

--

Urgh. Feel ill. Just have to get through this EU stuff. Blegh. Then I can do some nice medical law.

I got rejected from yet another job application thing yesterday, hence the depression. I think I'm just below employable intelligence.

And things still aren't right with FM.

And I don't know if I have any positives to match up with all these negative things.

Music will just have to do.

There's a squirrel on the roof opposite my window... it's perched like a gargoyle on the very top of the roof.. and its tail is going crazy.. looked like it was signalling something in morse code.. I'm not really sure what it's doing.

ZOMG THERE ARE NEW JAWSH SONGS.

Logic.

I'm tempted to go and get drunk now...

I know I hate being drunk, but I hate feeling useless even more, and being drunk means that I'm not useless because I'm useless, just useless because I'm drunk....

Irish logic is wonderful.

Fack

This is my law fac day. 11-6. Nice.

Except that I went and had lunch in town which meant that I skipped the first half of my two-hour juris lecture. Which is full of Very Clever People.

I am now hangin' out waiting for my media law lecture.

I'm such a cool kid.

Anyway. I have plenty to talk about.

-Being ill AGAIN

- Being drunk

- Taking up new sports

- Newbies

- The usual melodramatic depressive episodes.

^ that is just in case I forget to come back and cover those topics. Right, paragraph each. Go!

-----

I am ill again. I've gone all chesty cough.

Everyone seems to be ill though. And everyone seems to have become ill at the same time. It was probably the synchronisation of sobriety.

I had some night nurse, and it was truly wonderful. I love the warm fuzzy feeling it creates. It's like a less trippy version of what happens when I faint.

Sigh. I hate being drunk. Because I have started to do this thing where I drink far too much, and don't stop. And then I have no memory of what I've done, who I've spoken to.. etc etc. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I then have really vivid dreams, which means that I can't tell what was real or not. It is worrying when most of my memories are false. And then I have the horrific problem of seeing the people who I last saw when I was wasted. This is perhaps the worst bit. I always feel so incredibly embarrassed. And knowing me, I will have molested them. And of course, I won't be particularly good friends with these people in the first place. All of this ends up with me hating myself and feeling very down and depressed about it. And, like, I really don't have a clue what to say to these people when I next see them [that is, of course, if I remember seeing them- recently, I bumped into someone who enquired about my hiccups (another issue I have with drunkeness) and I had absolutely no memory of seeing them, let alone having a 10 minute conversation with them]. I just.. eeergh. I just don't want to be drunk.

I have taken up two new sports. I say two, I've really only taken up one, but am doing the other to help out friends. I'm not going to say what they are, because they are terribly stereotypical. But still. PAIN. My right leg is well and truly fucked. But anyway. Enjoyable all the same.

I met lots of new people last night. Everyone was very nice. And it was interesting. I dunno. Like, some people seemed to want some kind of wisdom from me.. and I don't think I have any.. but I'm looking forward to having new kids on the block.

Aaaaand. I'm not going to talk about why I was depressed. Because I hate that I was, and so I am forgetting about it. Also, it is nearly lecture time.

Laters. Overs and Outers.

Lemsap

So doing the reading was of no real help.

Shocker.

I knew there was a reason that I've never bothered before.

I have a ridiculous amount to do for tomorrow. Bleh.

And now I have an aching throat, and annoying sinuses.

I'm attempting to blast it with lemsip and, well, any medicinal drugs I own. Hope it works.

CAN NOT GET SWINE. [again].

We went for dim sum today. CG ordered things just because they were gross, so I got to sit with a massive pile of duck tongues in front of me.. appealing.

And FM got a 5-layered cake from CCB. It was amazing. I'm still not hungry after having a slice at like 1pm.

Ergh.. right.. to work.

Milestone

I have, for the first time in my university life, finished the reading for a supervision.

It may have only been 78 pages. But still. They were 78 dense pages.

I'm not sure what to do.

Apart from get a move on with the reading that is nowhere near done [or even started] for the supervision tomorrow.

-__-

I can honestly say, I have never felt so inadequate [in a social-class way] as I just did.

Um.

I don't really know what to say.

There are many things I could say, and I could attempt to explain why I'm feeling so down. Or at least, why I think I'm so down. But I don't really want to. It's so melodramatic and whiny.

So I'm having a Jawsh fest instead.

" She was like RAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAIN "

Oh Well

I am really not very happy.

Ladybirds

I seem to have a family of them living in my window frame.

They also seem to be the harlequin ones. I might stress them so their knees bleed. But that might be mean.

Urgh. First day of lectures today. I'm not sure I'm ready for learning, and I'm getting more convinced that I have some sort of death wish for myself. If someone who gets straight firsts thinks I'm taking the hardest combination... I probably am..

Sigh.

I feel like I am a bit of a mess. And.. yeah. Hrm.

Bah. I have work I should be doing. For my supervision on SUNDAY. God. Damnit.

Blueberries

Nom nom nom.

I don't like being drunk, I have decided.

I have a feeling I freaked out some nice medic freshers.

So I don't think I'll be drinking for a bit. [I say this.. but it's family meal tonight.. so maybe after that... or Tuesday. Hm. When term starts I'll stop.] Nothing good ever comes of me being drunk.. I just embarrass myself hideously in front of people, who are ALWAYS less drunk than I am. And then I won't be able to remember it. Or I'll wake up and not be sure if I did something terrible or if I just dreamed that I did.

So yes. Let's see how not drinking in term-time goes.

In other news. I still haven't 100% decided on my subjects. Basically, I had psyched myself up to do crazy-difficult-subject, thinking that, 'oh well at least I know the person supervising me, so it'll be ok..' but it looks like I'm being supervised by someone else who is like, a full on prof. And seems more intimidating... And I feel very small and dumb. But then, I've wanted to do CDS for a while.. and it's only the fact that everyone else is telling me I'll have no chance which is making me reconsider..

ARGH.

Also, I am basically doing nothing with my days.. and this worries me.

The Beginning of the End..

Sadtimes.

Got up at 5.30 yesterday. Dealt with animals. Strapped oars onto the roof of the defender. Drove to the courier place.. It is tremendous fun to overtake BMWs at 6.30 in the morning in a land rover with two oars on the roof. Then got up to the airport, and over here.

My room is good. Which is lucky as I hadn't seen it before I picked it. Hrz's room is also very nice. Probably slightly better than mine in most peoples terms, but I think I prefer mine..

I have a nice comfy sofa. But that's not the best part.

Oh no.

The desk is the best part.

IT'S AMAZING.

It's like the transformer of the furniture world.

It HAS A WINE RACK. That's how awesome it is.

I am surprisingly tired. And I feel quite weird. I don't much like it..

Like, sad or something. But I think it's mostly tiredness. Might go have a nap. But that means walking to another room.. a whole 5m.. cheesh. Hard life.

Freshones arrive tomorrow. Funtimes.

Verbal Reasoning

The bastard fucking fuckers.

I hate those tests. They are fucking stupid and I wish they told you how well you had done. BAAARGH. Fuckers.

Testing

I hate tests. I do appallingly in them.

But what I hate most is when the tests are stupid and wrong, and I know that I'm right.

Which I am.

Humph.

In other news. Still far too much to do.

Haven't packed trunk. But it needs to leave soon. Haven't packed oars. Haven't found out if the company can take them.

Arg. Arg. Arg.

Headacheeee. And I feel bad about barging into a family. Sigh.

Company

No longer alone! Yay!

Also, LESS than a week til final year fun... I hope it's fun.. and that it lasts.

I have so much crap to sort out. Packing is going to be 'nightmarish times'.

But on the plus side, I have gatecrashed my way to another college family ^_^

Yay for kids!

Kids.. oh dear. That reminds me of the fact that I have to raise £1000 from one event. Oh fuck. Shit bugger wank bollocks. So screwed.

Hums. I don't really have much else to say. Except that I wish that I wasn't the only lawyer without a job. Which I currently am.

Right. TV time.

428

Observation for this week:

Dogs seem to sleep a lot.

My dogs seem to prefer sleeping with their bellies in the air. Occasionally they snore, or make little woof noises accompanied by sporadic paw movements. Yesterday, Diego slept with his eyes open. That was FREAKY. As I type, both hounds are asleep on the sofa. They look quite cute.

Anyways. Yesterday I adventured up to Belfast in the land rover to collect an oar. I managed to get two. This adventure was marred by my own jumpiness at the sat nav directions.. Normally I disobey them willingly [as any of you who have been present in a car with me will know] but this time I was too keen. Kept turning off too early. Anyway. I survived on my first major drive in the land rover. It was fun. Completely different driving experience though. Good way to build up left leg and arm muscles.

ZOMG! I go back in a week! I hadn't noticed... bugger. I have too much to sort before then. Fuckity fuck fuck.

Buuuut. Means I will get to see FM ^_^ I am feeling quite scared about how much stuff I have to do already, like extra-curric wise. *furrow* It'll be fine. It'll all be fine.

I spent far too long today reading threads on the internet.. They were mostly 'Does X like me?' threads, and they were mostly awesome. For some reason, I adore those types of stories.

Hums. Tonight is my last night by myself. I happy about this. I really don't like being the only person for a while. Because naturally I have to think about every horrific possibility whilst trying to drift off to sleep. Sigh.

Aw, grey is sticking her tongue out while she sleeps.

I can't believe my last year is a week away. I am not ready to be abandoned. Blaaaaah.

~over and out