ilikerambling

do do do do do doo..

The tiger programme is on. Tigers are so cool. I do love those little white spots on their ears. Yes they would claw my face off, but they're cute and awesome all the same. iliketigers. The size of their paws!

I should stop being distracted by tigers. I'll only get distracted by something else though.. Like this whiskey. It's still yummy. ilikejapanesewhiskey. I may keep doing that. Sorry. ilikebeingatwat. Whiskey makes me all warm inside =) Warmth and fuzziness is good. Cold voids are bad.

Sometimes I think that separating out things will help to make sense of them. But then I get confused. Because nothing makes sense and I can't pinpoint what's hurting or why it's hurting. ihatethis.

oo casualty 1907. iliketvdrama, ilikemedicine. ilikeanythingthatmakesmymindthinkofotherthings.

Hmm.. I have lots that I could type about. Creating chapels out of sand and then destroying them for instance. Or taking the piss out of Avril. Or playing hairdresser in a hotel in Dublin. Or my dog eating a laptop. Many many possibilities. And yet.. when I go to explain in dazzling detail with lots of extra words that I don't need.. I can't quite do it. Which really kinda sucks. Because I'm sick of being a filthy emo. Yes, I make fun of my own emo-ness, and yes, a lot of it is probably stupid and melodramatic. But some of it isn't. And that's not so funny. Or easy to dismiss.
And you know that I'm one for reasons. Mostly vague reasons I'll admit. But still. REASONS! I need everything to be legitimate.. with reasons and explanations and logic and.. sensible things.. And perhaps if I knew exactly what it is that's making me feel quite like this, I would be fine, I could fix it. Because you know, if someone had shot me, I'd be able to go;
"Oh my fuck, this hurts. Like really. This is freaking sore. Why is it so goddamn sore? Ah, I see. I've been shot. Right. Well that makes sense. I was shot. No wonder it hurts. A piece of metal exploded into me at quite some speed. That's got to be quite painful. And it is. I think the way forward here is to visit the hospital."
[of course there would probably be quite a lot more cursing in real life, along the lines of 'JESUS CHRIST I'VE BEEN SHOT, WHAT THE CRAP? FUCKING HELL, DO YOU SEE THIS? I'VE BEEN FUCKING SHOT.']
However life aint like that kiddo. [quite thankfully really. I don't much fancy being shot. The above was not an invitation..sorry folks] And I've tried to narrow the cause down. Honestly. I have. I have had quite a long time to consider it, seeing as it doesn't ever fuck off [the achey depression that is]. And as it's something that isn't all that distant from my thoughts, it gets decent attention. But the thing is, everytime I get it down to a reasonable explanation.. it no longer makes sense. Or seems stupid. Because that reason couldn't possibly cause me to be this confused could it?

Sigh.

I'm so tired of it as well. I thought it had been fixed. But apparently it was only superficial. It's always super-frikkin-ficial. Oy.

Over and outish.

music:
mgmt - kids
stars- ageless beauty
the academy is... - black mamba
bush -testosterone
incubus - are you in?
the cure - the exploding boy
joshua burnside - carving on wood with shards of glass
joshua burnside - synthetics
chris walla - st modesto
avril lavigne - nobody's fool [I'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon. oh no.]
joshua burnside - plastic carbonated

Well I told me so, and I know I haven't seen you in a while. There's more to this than that...