Rar. We went out earlier than normal and for longer today.. But it was a freaking awesome outing. The coach guy was cool. And yeah I probably looked like an idiot doing all the crazy things but meh.. Anyway. Coach guy did some thing about not looking from your eyes but from the centre of your brain.. it was quite difficult.. we were doing this with our eyes closed.. but anyway, rambles short, different perspective.
Something I need to keep in mind I think.
Like, I keep not looking at things right. More objectivity. Let's see if this has any influence whatsoever....
So it's basically the end of the uni year and I'm.. well.. yeah.. low.
I've realised I don't know anyone that well, beyond their name, subject, college, and some random details. Even out of my closer friends, I don't know much about them. And I'm wondering if I just became more overtly prickish or what. It's no surprise that people don't really like me because there's a clear cause and effect thingy going on [when I look from the centre of my brain] as in I am a bastard who is dickspittish to everyone, socially retarded and I analyse things to death. It really is no wonder that I am in this position. I can understand completely why I am. I just... sigh. I guess I find it hard to do anything about it, I wish I wasn't so lazy.
I always do this. My timing is always the same. Do nothing for 98% of the time, then panic in the 99th percentile and actually attempt to do something in the last 1%. It never really works. Argh. Buggger it.
This summer is stretching out in front of me and it's just going to be a vast expanse of me doing nothing. I just want to bum around here forever. Kind of. Because leaving here with things unsorted means they will never be sorted. And that makes sense. Yo.
Strangers... just strangers... And the absolute disintegration is the worst. Like just.. not knowing anymore.. and I think back and am just completely... 'gah!' is the only way I can articulate it. I suck with stupid feckity words. And I know I will never fix it, because it is fucked up beyond the duct taping stage. And this makes it worse. I'm sure. Kind of. Somehow. This, these words, they make it worse. Because they demonstrate how badly wrong I have gone. And therefore make people aware of.. stuff.
Bah.
This is no longer working as my brain is refusing to function. I think it wants food. I should really provide it with some more frequently than once a day.
I suppose there will have to be a part three.
I want to explode.
