hum.

Raaaaar.
I've got my ears on some new songs.. and I lobe and love them..
I think increasing music involvement improves life.
So I'm home. That's interesting. I have done nothing. Except feel ill and stupid and worry a lot. And I haven't even begun to worry about work. Which will have to happen soon. Perhaps I will make a timetable today. I like timetables.. I never stick to them. But having something to deviate from is always nice. Besides, colour coding with highlighters!!! What could be better?
Mm lists and timetables.. I like lists.. but I've said that many times before. I'm not so keen on spider diagrams.. or mind maps or whatever they're called. But anyway. Spider diagrams.. like they're ok.. until a certain point. Actually, they're quite good, it's just that I have to figure out beforehand how everything is gonna be linked.. and if there can be cross linking between categories and subcategories.. And then I think that I'm giving a spider diagram too much thought.. Even though I heart diagrams.
Aaah.. I am adoring this song..
Pity. Pity is an odd thing. Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if you could see people's intentions and motivations.. Like with some sort of colour aura or something. That would make everything simpler right? More disappointing and disheartening, but simpler. Ah I'm probably just best assuming that everything is insincere.

I am quite hungry. I should probably do something about that. I should probably do something about a lot of things.
Argh.. to keep talking or to shut up.. what a quandary. Mm. I'll go with shut up. If talking is supposed to happen there will be a neon sign sometime. Also. Really. Hungry. Foraging. Must. Be. Done.

[edit] I'm still half deaf. And it hurts. I want it to go away =( Amongst other things.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm so.. like this.. And I want to stop it.. really I do.. because it obviously isn't working.. and I should really just get over myself. That's what people tell me to do. Hm. I'll stop being useless one day. I'll rid the sadness like snakes.. I could even ask for help. But as I'd just be seen as a exaggerating and obsessed there is very little point. And if help is ever offered again, I'll do the same as I just did and somehow fuck it up. My ability to do that is quite impressive. Even when someone is actually being nice to me for no reason, except their own volition, I mess it up. Score. [ =/ ] Interestingly sometimes I can rationalize myself, explain why I'm like this.. then I remember that I'm looking at it in an incredibly selfish way and nobody else in their right mind would react as I have. Hmm.
One day it won't feel so sharp, right? It'll go dull, yeah? on this 'one day' it won't ache anymore, nothing will fall into these fissures.. I'll be safe and sound, walking the streets 'cos I'll be normal.. and I'll have stopped thinking, perhaps even feeling, 'cos I won't be me anymore..