Shakes

[I can't stop watching/listening to this video, I lobe it]


I don't want to be awake right now.. in the middle of all this hideousness.
Bah.

Anyways. My essay has to be in in.. uh.. 3 and a half hours.. I can do it before then right?
See, I get really confused/SCARED OUT OF MY WITS [if I have any] by this. In the actual exam I have 45 MINUTES. Not hours. Not internet resources, not books.. just me, a question and my incredible lack of knowledge. How the fuck am I supposed to work with that?
I suppose there won't be facebook/music/coffee etc to distract me.. but still.. aaaagh craphats. All ze old demons comin' on back to get me AGAIN. Jesus.

I suppose one plus side of this particular post-pub stint [because that's how I roll] is that I have rediscovered my love of cursive. I kinda lost them when I had to go off all of my music..

I don't think I should type anything other than legal essays at this time.. because my head goes dark. And I get grumpy with the world. Or at least, more liable to talk about it. Like today I seriously questioned whether I am anything more than a spectre wandering around.. Because you know what? I try to be decent, really I do. And I think I've managed to sort something out, like say.. the return of some jumpsuits.. after a hell of a lot of my time has been sacrificed [needlessly, but that's another story]. So yeah, arrangement in place, I decide to be nice and go out of my way to make sure that the job gets done.. but NO. The other parties just screw me around again. And the jumpsuits are only one example.. And I just.. like dunno.. Why is it that I'm so obviously of lesser value? Last time I checked I didn't have a flashing neon sign above my head informing people of this condition, so why are they all so instantly aware? Why can't I tell when people are going to screw me over? Surely that's more fair? I mean I honestly don't go out of my way to cause anyone else disruption.. In fact I positively do the opposite, and would do anything to avoid causing hassle to someone else. Gargh.

One day, when someone who obviously doesn't give a crap about me asks if I'm ok, I'm going to be honest.

I need to finish this essay.

Apologies for this mess. Although I doubt anyone exists for me to apologise to.

Hmm. The subject of people who are very not friends will be covered soon.

~over, perhaps finally.